What can I do when my girlfriend is intimidated by the idea of having sex?

If you clicked on the title of this article, then you are most likely going through a rough patch with your girlfriend. She is intimidated by sex and does not want to participate anymore. You may not know but being intimidated by the idea of having sex is very common, especially among young women, people who have never had sex before, and people who are trying to get back into dating after being assaulted. But how can you help your partner through her problems? Below is a quick and effective guide to getting to the root of why she is intimidated. Just remember to be patient and know that this will not change overnight.

Have a conversation

Talking about sex and sex expectations is one of the healthiest things you can do for your relationship. It does not help anyone, especially her, to avoid the elephant in the room and just pretend that she has a headache every night. Whenever you two have a chunk of free time, and you can meet together, gradually bring up the issue. If she is hesitant to talk about it, Just tell her that you care about her and you want to help her through what she's going through.

Did she have this issue with other partners or just with you?

If she says she's had this problem before with other partners, then you know it's not you. Maybe it's just the act of having sex that puts her off. The south is very intimate, and perhaps she is not that into and with her body. Or maybe you have a rocky relationship with her right now, and she doesn't want to open up her body to someone who she may think isn't going to be there next week or next month.

If she says the problem started while you two were together, then something may have happened to her recently to change her view of sex, or maybe you did something which made her realize that she cannot trust you. If it is an issue with you, then you have some soul-searching to do. Perhaps the way you conduct yourself in bed is very off-putting.

Does she feel like she can't say stop once the sex starts?

Many people believe that consent starts at the beginning of sex, and that is the only time it occurs. But that is not true. Consent is throughout the entire sexual encounter. Anyone is free to withdraw their consent for the sexual encounter at any time. There's no obligation to continue with sex, no matter what. So, if she believes that consent only is for the beginning of sex, then she may want to avoid sex completely instead of starting and seeing how she feels during it. Reassure her that no matter what, she can always stop a sexual encounter anytime. Besides, do you really want to make your girlfriend feel forced to complete sexual encounters with you?

Is there something she doesn't want to do?

Everyone has their own sexual preferences and limits. While it is perfectly fine to experiment, some people just don't like certain acts, and they don't want to be expected to do them for the partner that loves the act. If you constantly request or expect her to do a certain act, then she may be avoiding sex completely, so she didn't have to do that one act.

Is there something you are doing that puts her off?

This is a big one. It's very hard to tell a partner that what they do between the sheets is very off-putting and makes them not want to have sex with their partner. But she says that she is sometimes intimidated by your actions and how you behave, then you have to work on your mannerisms and attitude.

Some men allow porn to influence their real-world encounters with women and try to re-enact what they see on the red screen. But what men fail to realize is women are not pornstars. They don't want to do the darker and more intense acts, like choking, slapping, being tied up, being called weird names. If she says that poor is influencing the way you have sex with her, then it's time to re-evaluate what you watch.

Do you talk about your past girlfriends/partners?

Very few people in this world will have sex, and it will both be there their first time. Everyone knows that all of their partners have a past, but bringing up old girlfriends is difficult to hear about, just like you would not like hearing about her previous partners. But it gets worse if you are constantly comparing her to your old partners, even if it is in a favorable way. So just drop the "previous partner" talk and focus on your girlfriend in the here and now.

Don't pressure her

The number one thing you should not do is make your partner feel like they have to perform for you. We all want our sexual needs met, but we don't want them at the expense of our partner's body and care. You may have to spend a few more nights taking care of yourself, but it is important that you work with your partner on her intimidation issues.

Have realistic expectations [!]

As much as it may pain you to read this, sexual issues do not evaporate overnight. You will have to have many more conversations with your partner in order to get through this issue and solve it together. However, creating a healthy dialogue is a great step to improving both of your sexual lives. If you're beginning to feel impatient, then perhaps buy yourself a toy. It will be more satisfying than using your own hand. But your partner's love and mental health are more important. You don't want to make your girlfriend feel like she cannot trust you with her body. You can still watch some tutorials how to pleasure a woman, performed by top pornstars. But remember: not everything in internet are good ideas 🙂

Conclusion

Talking to your girlfriend and working with her is the best thing you can do for your relationship. Always remember that two people may have different attitudes and pews on a different topic, including sex. Better communication can establish exactly what you to see eye-to-eye on, what kind of sexual acts you both will enjoy, and how you can improve your mannerisms and make her feel more comfortable in the bedroom.