Faked orgasms - better to lie or tell the truth?
There's nothing better in this world than having a satisfying toe-curling orgasm. Can you remember the last time you had an amazing orgasm that made the entire day or the next morning better? Nothing else changed in your life, but the orgasm you had refreshed your mood and gave you the energy to handle the next day and its many issues. If you have a partner that can make you orgasm consistently, you usually don't want to let them go, even if they are bad for you in every other way. But that's the power of the orgasm!
But what do we do if we are regularly intimate with our partners, and they can't make us orgasm? We should just fake it, right? Everyone has faked an orgasm at least once in their life. Women are known to fake orgasms, so their partner doesn't feel bad. But men occasionally fake orgasms as well. Hiding our dissatisfaction and telling our partner that we had an orgasm when we didn't isn't truthful, and there's no sexual satisfaction for us in the end. But our partner's feelings are not hurt, and we care about not hurting our loved ones. So, what should we do? Should we lie, or should we tell the truth?
Reasons for not orgasming
Before we start the blame, game and accuse our partners of not caring about our sexual satisfaction, we should go over a few important reasons why a person isn't able to have an orgasm when they have sex. Just because a person wants to have sex doesn't mean that their body can handle the sexual stimulation.
Low self-esteem
The first reason a person is unable to orgasm is that they are uncomfortable with their own body. Being comfortable in your own skin and having a positive outlook on sex is a major factor in being able to enjoy sex. There are quite a lot of people out there that are unable to orgasm not because they are uncomfortable with their body and the way it looks. People with extremely low self-esteem, anorexia, body dysmorphia, or another mental issue can affect their comfortableness with their partner.
Some people don't want their partner to see them naked at all and touch them as little as possible. Because of their mental state, their partner isn't able to get them to orgasm.
Negative view of sex
Another reason for their uncomfortableness during sex is due to psychological indoctrination. They have been taught to believe that they are a bad person for having premarital sex. Other people, like the authority figures in their lives, have taught them that sex is bad. Religion also teaches women that their sexuality and pleasure do not matter and that their bodies are vessels for rearing children and pleasing men. All of these teachings can ruin a person's view of sex.
No energy
A person might not be able to have sex because they are far too stressed out and drained of all of their energy. Their bodies simply do not have any extra energy left to engage in sexual activities and reach orgasm. Not having enough energy for sex is important, and too much stress can ruin a person's ability to become aroused, erected, or wet. People who are dealing with chronic stress will find it much harder to enjoy sex than people who only experience stress occasionally. Stress is also terrible for many other physical and mental issues.
Mismatched sexualities
Even though we now live in the stage of sexual exploration, many people still subscribe to the notion that they are heterosexual when they are not. Some people are actually gay or lesbian. But since being heterosexual is what Society expects, most people consider themselves to be heterosexual until they realize that they are not. Some people continue to believe that they are heterosexuals well into their twenties, thirties, and even forties. This is especially true if a person grew up in a non-LGBTQ-friendly household. So, the reason your partner is not able to give you an orgasm, even though you can give yourself one just fine, is because you're not actually attracted to their gender!
Pain and bodily discomfort
Orgasms require that our minds relax so we can enjoy the pleasure that is coursing through our bodies. But people who have chronic pain and other types of physical and mental issues are not able to relax. Their body stays tense throughout the day even if they take medication. When it comes to engaging in sex, certain sexual positions can even make body aches worse. A person who has a lot of back pain may not find it very pleasing to have someone thrust into them over and over again while they lay down flat on their bed.
Bad Technique
Another reason for being unable to have an orgasm is that their partner is not pleasuring them the right way. We see this type of issue with a lot of young women whose young male partners do not have the experience to correctly pleasure her. A lot of young girls also say that they fake their orgasms, so they do not hurt their partner's feelings. So, when they fake an orgasm, their male partner believes that whatever they did works. So, they will continue to do it to that girl or to another girl. No one ever tells them the truth, and they never improve.
They're not comfortable with their partner.
Every person's body operates differently. What works for one person may not work for another. Some people have the ability to orgasm no matter who they're with. But other people need to feel safe and secure with their partners before they can relax and have enjoyable sex. People who have been abused, are inexperienced, and those who need to find romantic attachments must find the partner they can connect with before they can achieve orgasm.
How to talk about your fake orgasms
Now that we know all of the reasons why a person is unable to orgasm and why they may want to fake their orgasm during sex, it is time we talk about communicating our lack of satisfaction to our partners. There are three types of Partners a person will have: a partner who does care about their beloved's sexual satisfaction and actively works in bed to make them orgasm. The second type of partner is someone who also cares about their lover's sexual satisfaction but does not know how to satisfy a person. The last type of partner, which is the worst type, is someone who does not care at all about their partner's sexual satisfaction. Each partner will require a different method of communication, and the last partner will also require extreme action if no changes are made.
What should we do with a partner who is trying?
If we have a sexual partner who is trying to make this orgasm, but they're not achieving it, it is best to approach this situation delicately. If you have been faking orgasms with them during sex, then they currently believe that you are sexually satisfied, and their techniques and moves make you orgasm. It will be shocking to them when you reveal you haven't actually had a good orgasm with them in a while. But a partner who really loves you will understand that you did not want to hurt the feelings. After some initial discomfort, they should be willing and ready to hear about what you like in bed.
Perhaps it would be nice if you proposed that the two of you go away together on a short vacation, like a couple’s retreat. You two can use the time to reconnect and experiment with one another in a stress-free environment.
What should we do with a partner who doesn't know what the fuck they are doing?
This situation is not as bad as it seems to be. You have a partner who cares about your sexual satisfaction, but they have no idea what they're doing or how to get you off. This type of partner has had other partners that also fake their orgasms instead of telling them what they liked. This is another reason why faking orgasms can lead to people believing that they are good in bed when they're not.
To approach this type of partner and talk about your secret history of faking orgasms, you two must be alone and somewhere private where no one can hear the conversation. It’s usually done at someone's home.
When you reveal that you have been faking your orgasms, they will be shocked. But it is important to tell them that you can tell that they are trying. You can see that they want to please you, but they don't deserve to know-how. By faking your orgasms, you were sparing their feelings and removing a lot of the pressure to perform. Tell them that you still care about them or love them, but you want them to do certain things that you like in bed so that you are far more likely to have an orgasm.
If your partner realizes that they need to improve their timing and techniques, you can explain to them what you like. It may even be fun and sexy to watch some accurate porn videos so you can have a visual of what you want to do. You can also use videos made by sexologists on YouTube, Instagram, and Tik-Tok.
What should we do with a partner that doesn't care about our orgasm?
There's only one thing you should do with a partner who does not care about your orgasm, and that is to ditch them! Life is too short to deal with a person who doesn't care if we are enjoying ourselves in bed. If you are starting a relationship with a new person and they don't really show any willingness to put your sexual needs first, then kick them to the curb. Don't try to explain your emotions or unsatisfactory to them. Any energy you put into explaining yourself will be all for nothing.
Unfortunately, married people are not immune to having a partner who does not care about their sexual satisfaction. If your partner does not care that you are enjoying sex, it's time to go to marriage counseling. It is unfair for one partner to enjoy themselves during sex while the other one is completely miserable and unsatisfied.
You and your partner are in a long-term relationship or marriage, and you both have not had satisfying sex in a while, and then a sex therapist or marriage counseling can help you to reconnect.
But what if nothing helps and you're stuck with a partner who does not care about your sexual needs? Well, unfortunately, it is time to lay all the cards on the table. If someone is not going to fulfill their marital duties and satisfy your needs sexually, it's time to find someone that does. There are three things you can do to improve your sex life while married:
● Go to marriage counseling and actively work on your sex life and communication.
● When the other partner is unwilling to improve, then you can openly discuss an open relationship. If your partner is willing to open up the marriage, then you two have two agreed to always have safe sex, not have sex with anyone's friends, co-workers or bosses, or relatives.
● If marriage counseling does not work and your partner rejection an open relationship, I'm afraid it is time for a divorce. No, I am not suggesting divorce lightly. You should do everything you can to improve your sexual relationship, even if the partner you have has been a selfish douchebag. But some people never change, and your sexual needs should not be ignored. Sadly, it is only when divorce is finally threatened that some men actually realize that their wife is serious. So do not be surprised if he actually starts to care about your sexual satisfaction after you have announced that you want a divorce. Many men only act after a certain line is crossed.
Conclusion
Faking orgasm should only be used in very special circumstances. If you find yourself faking orgasms on a regular basis, it's time to rethink the sexual relationship you have with your partner.
