Asexuals hear: "Go to the doctor" or even "You'll get over it."

For hundreds of years, the patriarchal powers that governed our world through religion, societal constructs, and government regulation and laws have done as much as they could to stamp out any trace of the virgins from the heterosexual man-woman dynamic. Any person who showed even the slightest trace of distinction from heterosexuality and being romantically and sexually inclined to their own gender was seen as an outcast and sometimes killed for their crimes. But there were parts of society that accepted these types of people and allowed them to thrive. Luckily, we now live in a modern age where people who were once rejected and shunned are now being embraced in different countries all over the world. Nowhere near as popular or well-known as the gay and lesbian community, much smaller groups of people want recognition from society and safety from discrimination. One group of sexually Divergent people are asexual people. The struggles and discrimination they face due to their sexuality are a bit different from other people in the LGBTQ community, but they are fighting back with acceptance and community.

The lives of asexuals

For many people, the word asexual doesn't conjure up any images at all. Asexuality and the existence of asexuals is not a topic that most people have not encountered in their life. Asexuals are not openly known about in media, and any person that has the traits of an asexual is usually regarded as a person with a defect. There are many stories where a person that shows asexual traits is cured with the power of romantic love. Only then do they become "real human" with a real sexuality and actual sexual desires. And 99% of the time, the fictional characters become heterosexual. When I finally find a story where a person with asexual traits is cured and becomes a lesbian or a gay man, I will let you know. But don't hold your breath.

Since Asexuality is not known or talked about in general society, someone has to actively seek out information on Asexuality to know about it. People who are not part of the LGBT community usually learn about asexuals and Asexuality because they stumbled upon the information while researching gay and lesbian communities.

If someone knows about and is educated on Asexuality, they are more likely to know and be educated about, or be a part of, the lgbtq+ community as well. Unfortunately, accepting the existence of asexuals and accepting them into a community I'm not mutual. There are many people who know about Asexuality and do not believe that their experiences are valid. And to make matters even worse, the voices that denounce asexuals are much louder than the very fragile and small community of asexuals who are trying to make themselves known in the world.

But just because someone is louder doesn't make them right. Asexuals are still fighting for their existence to be acknowledged by greater society. They are gathering online, and in the real world in order to create communities, form friendships based on their similar experiences, and provide support for each other. Asexuals are just like any other type of sexuality, and their existence is not up for debate. As they internalize the message that their sexuality is invalid and just a phase, the more likely they are to devalue themselves as human beings, become victims of abuse, and end their lives through suicide. 

So asexual people will never get married or have a boyfriend or a girlfriend?

It will be much more difficult for someone who is asexual to find a partner that is perfectly fine with never having sex. But nonsexual romances can happen. If you are confused about how someone who does not have sex can be in a romantic relationship, I understand why. Modern society communicates to us those romantic feelings and sexual feelings are one and the same. Most people that engage in romantic relationships will at some point begin sexually shift as well. But romantic feelings of intimacy and closeness are not mutually exclusive with sexual feelings.

So now you think, what is Asexuality, and what exactly makes someone asexual and not a different sexuality? 

What is an asexual?

First, let's talk about what an asexual person is. An asexual person is someone that does not feel a lot of sexual attraction to other people. Most asexuals may not feel any sexual attraction in their entire life. A few asexual people may have sexual feelings from time to time, but the feelings are not that deep, and they don't create a drive to actually engage in sex.

It is important that I make the clear distinction that A6 your body is a type of sexuality. It is a sexual orientation, and it is not a sexual dysfunction. There is no medical treatment needed for Asexuality because there is nothing wrong with asexuals. The lack of interest in engagement with sex does not automatically mean that there is something medically wrong with them.

So, does this mean that asexuals never have sex at all in their entire life? Well, that very much depends on the person. Some asexuals will engage in sex to see what all the fuss is about. But those asexuals who do participate in sex don't feel the drive to seek out more sex from a single partner or more sexual partners. 

Many other asexuals engage in sex because they don't know that they are asexual, and they believe that they will eventually feel sexual when they start having sex. This type of belief can come from the media. We've all seen the shows and movies of heterosexual couples who don't have any chemistry whatsoever and yet wind up in bed together. Only after they have sex do they actually start to have romantic and more sexual feelings for each other.

So, does that mean that asexuals don't masturbate? Again, their habits involving masturbation very much depend on the person. Masturbating and sexual drive are completely dependent on the sexuality, hormones, health, and belief of that person. Some people are completely healthy and do actually have a sex drive, but their beliefs prevent them from touching themselves.

On the other hand, someone who has terrible health and poor regulation of hormones won't feel the need to masturbate. An asexual person can masturbate if they want to and can usually take care of any small burgeoning feelings of arousal or lust. Just like sex, the urge to masturbate is not a drive or need that comes to an asexual person as often as it would a person who is not asexual.

The Human experience

The vast majority of people regard sexuality, sex, and lust, as part of the human experience. What does it mean for a sexual to have very little sexual attraction or lust? Well, it does not mean that they are less than human. It just means that we must widen what society deems as the normal human experience. Asexuals should not have to conform to what is culturally accepted as normal human beings. They should also not have to force themselves to have sex with people that they do not want to in order to prove, but they can be part of society. Not only is this detrimental to the asexual person, but it is also a terrible fate for their sexual partner, who will often question and wonder why their partner is not sexually attracted to them like other people's partners are attracted to their own.

How is Asexuality different from other sexualities?

There are so many different sexualities now than there were 20 years ago. Sometimes it can be difficult for people who are barely learning about the lesbian and gay community to understand all the different "new" sexualities and genders. But these sexualities and genders are not actually new at all. But many people feel they are new and modern because they have never learned about these genders and sexualities before. 

All these different terms, like agender, transgender, cisgender, demisexuals, asexuals aromantics, bisexual, etc., have been around for all of history. They were known under different words and were accepted in many different cultures. But the rise of monotheism in Christianity, Catholicism, and Islam did not allow for these different sexualities and genders. So, conquerors and colonizers erased them from existence and only left room for the approved man/woman gender and sexual dynamic.

But what makes a person asexual but not pansexual? Agender but not aromantic? 

Asexual people as compared to other sexualities and genders.

First of all, an asexual person can be cisgender, transgender agender, genderfluid, or a different type of gender. Asexuality has to do with a person's sexuality. So, someone can be transgender or not have a gender at all and also be asexual.

In comparison to the word demi-sexual, a demisexual person only feels actual sexual urges when they have formed a romantic attachment to a person. Someone who is asexual can have romantic feelings for someone but not have sexual feelings.

A pansexual person is a person who can have sexual feelings for any gender. So, they can I want to have a sexual relationship with cisgender people, transgender people, agender people, and other genders. Pan means all. An asexual person does not have sexual feelings for any type of gender person.

Do asexuals face discrimination?

Just as homophobia is the bigotry and discrimination of gay people, acephobia is discrimination and prejudice against people who are asexuals. Much of the bigotry surrounding asexuals have to do with the denial of their very existence. Many people still consider the only valid sexualities to be hit her sexuality, homosexuality, and lesbian sexuality. Anyone who differentiates from any of these sexualities will have a much harder time finding acceptance than those who are in heterosexual and lesbian and gay communities. This means that people who are bisexual, transgender, and asexual are not looked at in the same positive light.

Medical Discrimination

One of the worst types of discrimination that asexuals can experience is medical discrimination. Many doctors, nurses, LVN's, and therapists are not familiar with any sexuality that is not lesbian, gay, or transgender. If an asexual person reports that they do not have a lot of sexual feelings or none at all, a doctor will simply write off what they say as underperforming hormones. Therapists can attribute their lack of sexuality to a bad childhood, trust issues, or uncomfortableness with intimacy.

When a small sample of random people was asked about Asexuality and asexuals, they were more likely to dehumanize asexuals, less likely to willingly socially interact with them, and not take their sexuality seriously. One of the reasons why they may be discriminated against is because they are far more likely to be single than other types of people. So, it could be that people see their lack of a partner as an issue.

The modern society that we live in now continuously states that everyone must find their partner so that they can become whole, and only marriage can cause a person to grow up. This is especially true if a certain age. People in their twenties and thirties might not feel this pressure, but people in their 40s and 50s definitely feel the societal pressure to have a partner and a family in order to be taken seriously and be viewed as an adult.

It is important for medical workers and therapists to see Asexuality as its own form of physical expression. It should not be viewed as a deficit of physical expression. They must also understand that an asexual person can what a romantic relationship. Just because someone does not have sexual arousal does not mean that they don't want to be intimate or form an intimate relationship with someone. Intimacy and sex are not the same.

Conclusion

Asexuality is valid sexuality that has been around since the existence of humanity. He must now educate ourselves on our own prejudices and understand why we view asexuals as deficient people when they are not. It's important for all sexualities to have a place in our world. Singling out Asexuality and declaring that it is not real or valid can cause severe mental harm throughout their life. Asexuals need a place where they can gather in safety and where their voices can be heard and believed.