Basic Accessories For BDSM
Want to try out the world of kink? BDSM and all its accessories can be quite intimidating for newbies. But thankfully, there are many beginner-friendly BDSM toys and accessories to help you get started. Even beginner-level toys allow you to be creative and versatile. This article lists down the best basic BDSM accessories to help beginners dip their toes into the deep waters of the kinky world. So, continue reading to learn all about them!
However, first, let’s talk a little about what BDSM really is.
What Is BDSM?
BDSM is a specific kind of roleplay involving activities like restraints, sensory stimulation, power dynamics, impact play, and fetishes, to name a few. Let’s break down what the acronym BDSM means:
- B&D stands for bondage and discipline
- D&S stands for domination and submission
- S&M stands for sadism and masochism or sadomachasism
BDSM covers a wide variety of activities, relationships, and fetishes that fall within the categories of these six words.
Similar to kink, BDSM is not sex, and it doesn’t have to be sexual. People can engage in BDSM, and it doesn’t have to lead to sex at all. Sometimes BDSM alone can be enough. However, sometimes, BDSM can hold a very sexual charge. The energy of it can feel very erotic, making BDSM a wonderful tool to heighten the intensity of your sexual experience.
Things To Remember About BDSM
It is important to remember that the foundation of BDSM always includes consent and safety. Typically things like servitude and pain are considered unpleasant, but when these activities are agreed upon between adults and carefully negotiated with the intention of evoking pleasure in a safe way, they can be very thrilling.
BDSM is not based on abuse or violence. It is a controlled practice performed with a thorough understanding of a person's limits and desires. These limits and desires can be discovered through communication and negotiation between play partners.
A couple of popular acronyms used in the BDSM community are:
- RACK – stands for Risk, Awareness, Consensual, and Kink
- SC – stands for Safe, Sane, and Consensual
While some BDSM activities can involve some risk. The act, itself, can be compared to mountain climbing; in both, the risk is an essential part of the thrill, yet expertise and safety can be enhanced through training, practice and technique.
How BDSM Works?
Many people believe BDSM is all about power and pain but NO. It casts a much wider net than that, as many roles, relationships, and activities fall under the umbrella of BDSM. Certain roles, when chosen to suit your personality and personal needs, can just help you take a break from your regular routine and help expand your bedroom repertoire, shall we say?
Here’s a quick breakdown of a few roles in BDSM:
- Dominance and Submissives
The main focus of this relationship is control and power. The dominant enjoys assuming the position of power, whereas the submissive is happy to relinquish it. This is where the term dom and sub, or master-slave come from. Keep in mind the words dom and sub are just shorter versions of the words dominant and submissive. The masculine spelling is Dom, and the feminine spelling is Domme.
Although the dominant is the one in control, the submissive shares that power since it’s them who choose to submit. In this roleplay, the dominant must understand when the submissive wants to submit and how much they want to submit. The choice must be made of his or her own free will. So, this partnership essentially revolves around give and take between both sides. Thus, pain and physical contact aren't even necessary, as a person can dominate over the phone or be dominated online.
- Master And Slave
Most dominant and submissive relationships, also known as D&S relationships, also involve the element of servitude. The master may set certain rules for the slave to follow, or they may require them to complete certain acts. These rules and tasks are negotiated between the master and the slave, and then the slave complies to please the dominant. This type of psychological interaction is very fulfilling to the slave as now they have a positive outlet for their need to serve or to please. The Master and slave can find joy in many different ways:
- Tops and Bottoms
The main focus of this relationship is the sensations and the actions shared between the players. The bottom instructs their preferred activities and the appropriate actions and sensations, while the tough delivers them. It is best to think of this in terms of catcher and pitcher; the top pitches the sensations or actions, and the bottom happily catches or receives them. Even though bottoms are on the receiving end, this does not necessarily make them submissive. Most bottoms are looking for a top partner to help create the scenarios with the pre-negotiated activities they desire. While tops and dominance are similar, they lack the aspect of the power exchange dominants and submissives have. Moreover, they do not necessarily control the bottom.
10 Basic BDSM Toys For Beginners
Now we’re going to talk about BDSM sex toys all beginners should try. If you are new to BDSM, you might be sitting here thinking, what products should I try? There are so many out there that you might feel a little bit lost and not know what you’re doing. Well, that’s absolutely fine. Whenever anyone starts something new, they feel exactly the same way.
We will list the 10 best basic BDSM toys for beginners down below. How you choose to use those toys in your BDSM play is entirely up to you. You can use just one of them, you can use two of them, or you can use a combination. There are no set rules, so the play is entirely up to you.
Here are the 10 basic BDSM accessories you need to start your BDSM journey:
- Handcuffs
Handcuffs are a simple yet fun way to start out some BDSM pleasure in the bedroom. However, opt for sexy leather handcuffs instead of cheap metallic or plastic ones. Make sure the handcuffs have a soft lining or padding on the inside to protect the skin from bruises and scratches as you writhe in pleasure. Plus, leather handcuffs come with a buckle closure, making it much easier to fasten and take off the handcuffs. You won’t have to worry about losing the key!
- Massage Candle
Well, this one is not so much of a BDSM toy, but this massage candle is a great way to incorporate some dom/sub play in your sex routine. You can use the warm melted wax to drip onto your partner’s body and indulge in a little hot wax play. Choose a scented candle to give your senses something extra to work with. It will also heighten your mood and help set the tone with the dimly littered flickering candlelight. Just make sure you blow out the candle before you drizzle it at a safe height onto your partner’s skin.
- Nipple Suckers
Nipple suckers are perfect for BDSM beginners. You can also get nipple clamps, but they are probably better suited to someone with a little bit more BDSM experience. Nipple suckers are super simple to use. What they do is help draw the blood into the nipples so when you remove them, your nipples are more sensitive to the touch. All you need to do is depress the bulbs, pop them over your nipples, and release them. If you want an extra good, pop a little bit of water-based lubricant around the rim before you pop them on your body.
- Feather Tickler
A feather tickler is a fantastic light introduction to BDSM play. It is nice and petite, so perfect for taking away with you on trips and getaways. It is perfect for heightening your partner's sensors. All you need to do is trail it over their skin, and their nerves will start tingling, making them more receptive to your touch. Feather ticklers come in many forms. For example, you can also get them with a longer stem for more control. And you can stimulate your partner from a greater distance.
- Wrist And Ankle Restraints
Wrist and ankle restraints are usually padded, so they’re comfortable to wear. Normally they have a Velcro fastening, so they are easy to put on and easy to take off. However, wrists and ankle restraints also come with buckle closure. We recommend getting restraints with 360-degree turning lobster clasps because they allow you to get into pretty much any position you can physically get into safely. Amazon has plenty of bondage ankle and wrist restraints in metal, leather, plastic, etc.
- Blindfolds
Blindfolds are great for limiting one of your partner's senses so that the rest of them are heightened. You can tie a scarf or tie around your partner's eyes if you don’t want to buy blindfolds. However, we recommend buying a soft padded eye mask that is comfortable to wear. You can get them in lots of different sizes, shapes, and materials.
- Flogger
Floggers come in many sizes, but we recommend a mini flogger for a beginner. You can use a flogger for trailing over your partner’s skin to arouse different sensations in your partner during the play sessions. You can also use a flogger to deliver sharp smacks. The intensity with which you smack your partner is entirely up to you. You can start off light and increase as you go. Mini floggers are also perfect for flogging intimate areas to make the blood rush to the surface and make you more sensitive in that area. So, if you are looking for maybe a clitoral orgasm, a flogger will be perfect for heightening sensitivity and making that orgasm more easily achievable.
- Bondage Hoods
Bondage hooks or bondage masks are face masks that cover the head and face of a person. These are also called gimp masks. This fetish gear is used to objectify and restrain the wearer. It is associated with disorientation, depersonalization, and deprivation. Bondage masks are available in different styles and materials like leather, spandex, PVC, latex, wool, etc.
- Thigh Cuffs
Though cuffs are like handcuffs but for thighs. Thighcuffss secure your thigh and wrists. You can use them to put your partner in different positions during sex. Make sure the thigh cuffs you get are adjustable and comfortable. The inside of the cuffs should be made of soft material to keep the skin safe from bruises and rashes. You can use these high up or close down near the knees. Just make sure your partner is in a comfortable position.
- Paddle
A paddle or kink paddle is a basic BDSM toy. It has two flat sides and a handle. The flat surfaces are used for spanking, slapping, and tapping. The flat sides are usually made of leather, rubber, or wood. The point of a paddle is not to inflict pain but to heighten your partner's senses and make them more sensitive to your touch.
Wrapping Up
BDSM goes far beyond handcuffs, playrooms, and Fifty Shades of Gray. It is a complicated, intense, and extensive kink subculture. It allows you to push your sexual limits and experience new sensations in a safe way. However, taking on this new sexual adventure can be very overwhelming. But don't worry. You are in the right place if you are thinking of expanding your sexual preferences and stepping into the world of BDSM. Invest in the 10 best basic BDSM toys for newbies listed above. They are everything you need to get started!
Note: It is really important that you have a conversation with your partner. Talk about things you want to happen, things you don’t want to happen, and any fears and anxieties you have. The conversation is also the perfect opportunity to settle on your safe word. A safe word is a word that you wouldn’t normally say in bed. It will indicate to your partner that either play has gone too far or, for whatever reason, you want to stop. So ensure that you choose a word that isn’t normally said in the bedroom and that is something that you both can remember.