The ancient Greeks loved sex. That may sound like a redundant statement, as all human beings love sex. But the culture of ancient Greece and its mythology allowed for the creation of some pretty wild stories. Many of the sexual encounters in Greek mythology involved Gods with other gods, Gods with other beings, Gods and beings with humans, and humans with other humans! Now that's a lot of fucking! So, if you're interested in Greek mythology and its many tantalizing sex myths, we have six stories that will expand your knowledge of the mythology of the ancient Greek gods and their sex lives.

We will divide this article into two categories: stories that involve Zeus and stories that don't. If you know anything about Zeus, you will know exactly why we divided our article this way. Zeus likes to fuck, and he doesn't care if the woman he is after is married, a virgin dedicated to a temple, already pregnant, or asleep and has no idea he is on top of her. If he wants sex, he's going to have sex. Since he is a mighty god, there will be barely any repercussions. The real tragedies will befall the women he slept with.

Stories that involve Zeus

Zeus has always been a horndog, is currently a horndog in the modern era, and if there is a future of Greek mythology later in the 22nd and 23rd centuries, I am sure he will be a horndog as well. So here are a few very filthy stories about the innocent beings and humans that, unfortunately, had sex with Zeus.

Sex with clouds is just weird, even if you didn't know it was a cloud

If there is one god you don't want to be married to throughout the entire history of Greek Mythology, it is Zeus. Unfortunately, Hera is his wife. Zeus' constant cheating and transformations so he could sneak away to cheat are what made Hera so unbelievably jealous. But Hera was beautiful and attracted her suitors, which angered Zeus.

One famous story around Zeus' jealousy is the tale of Ixion. He was the King of the Lapiths, an ancient tribe of mythical people who lived on their private island away from the world. One day, as a guest of a party thrown by Zeus, Ixion noticed the beautiful Hera and instantly fell in love with her. Even though he knew Hera was Zeus' wife, that did not stop Ixion from attempting to seduce her.

But Zeus learned of Ixion's plan to seduce his wife, so he turned himself into a cloud that looked exactly like Hera. When Ixion visited Hera one night to perform the seduction, Cloud-Hera appeared instead, and Ixion seduced Zeus. After Ixion had sex with Cloud-Hera, the cloud disappeared, and Zeus appeared with all the fury and rage of a jealous Greek god and banished Ixion from the mortal world. Zeus then captured Ixion and bound him to a spinning wheel that would spin for all eternity in the underworld.

Well, he certainly is bold as he tried to seduce the wife of one of the most powerful Gods in all of Greek mythology, and he began to formulate his plan at Zeus's party! Well, it did not work out for him, but it's nice to know that Zeus can be just as possessive and jealous since his wife tends to be the vengeful one in the marriage.

Never let yourself be seduced by an eagle.

The story of Semele is a tragic one, for she did not do anything wrong. She was a beautiful princess, and she had a kingdom all to herself. Even though she was mortal, her mother was the goddess Harmonia. As a future ruler, she was learning to care for her people as a ruler should. Unfortunately, she catches the eye of the mighty and horny god Zeus, and everything goes wrong for her from this moment onward.

One bright and shining day, Semele was tending to her duties as a devotee of the Temple of Zeus. She slaughtered a bull meant for sacrifice, and the blood dripped all over her body and clothes. After her duties were over, Semele went to the river to bathe and wash off the blood. Zeus saw her bathing in the riverbed and immediately fell in love with her beauty. Zeus turned himself into an eagle and seduced Semele. The myth does not say if she had sex with him in eagle form, but someone else did have sex with a swan, so it could have happened. A few years later, she became pregnant with his child. All was going well until Hera found out about the affair.

Hera turned into an old lady and befriended the pregnant princess. She made Semele doubt Zeus by asking her if the father was a lesser god trying to trick her. Later, Semele asked Zeus to reveal himself in his complete glory. Although Zeus did not want to do this, he was bound by an oath. He tried to reveal a very tiny part of himself so she wouldn't be injured, but even that small amount was just too much. Semele's mortal body couldn't take the true sight of a god, and she burst into flames. Zeus was able to save his baby, and he grew up to be Dionysus.

Stories without Zeus

Zeus isn't the only Greek god screwing humans and mythical beings; he is just the most famous. Every other Greek god and being has had its own romantic stories and trials. It is just part of being in the Greek god club.

Poseidon does it horsey style with Demeter.

The Greek gods had no problem with incest and happily jumped into the beds of their siblings, mothers, fathers, children, grandparents, and cousins. Inside, most of the Greek gods are related to each other in one way or another, so incest with no big deal. Even the mightiest of gods, Zeus, was the brother of Hera. No wonder they were all crazy!

Lusting for your sister is common in ancient Greek mythology, so it is not weird that Poseidon, the god of the Sea, lusted after his sister Demeter, the goddess of the Harvest. He tried many times to seduce her, as he wanted her to become his mistress and sidepiece. Poseidon was already married to Amphitrite, but as we all know, marriage has never stopped a Greek god from pursuing other beings to have sex with.

Poseidon was adamant that he and Demeter become lovers, but she wanted to get away from him and be left alone. Demeter needed to be left alone so she could process the loss of her daughter Persephone. Her daughter had to live with Hades six months out of the year, making her very lonely. Demeter decided to transform herself into a horse so that Poseidon would not bother her anymore. After she transformed, she went to hide from Poseidon in a massive stable with many other horses. When Poseidon out what she had done, he transformed himself into a horse as well. He found her in the stable she was hiding in and then proceeded to rape her while they were both in horse form.

Aphrodite and Adonis: how to raise your lover

Relationships are always complicated, and a relationship like Aphrodite and Adonis is as complicated as they come. I mean, how in the world do you heal a relationship after you turn your lover's mother into a tree before he was ever born? And then, after Myrrah, who is still a tree, gives birth to Adonis in tree form, he grows up to be a handsome young man. Then Aphrodite takes him for a lover.

Well, we are not therapists or relationship experts, so someone had better call Dr. Phil. Aphrodite and Adonis were lovers for a very long time until Adonis decided to be part of an important hunt.

Aphrodite had a vision of his death and tried to warn him of the dangers of the hunt, but he did not listen. Their loving story ends with Adonis dying in Aphrodite's arms. That certainly is tragic, but we are glad that his mother did not have to see him perish.

Never EVER cheat on Hephaestus.

Adonis was not the only lover of Aphrodite! Far from it, as she is the goddess of love. Aphrodite has had countless lovers throughout the ages to the point where she rivals Zeus himself in sexual dalliances. And like Zeus or Hera, Aphrodite can be just as vengeful and jealous too. But her sexual affairs don't always end in death or torture; sometimes, they just end in humiliation. Too bad she doesn't have that kink.

Long ago in Greek mythology, Aphrodite belonged to her parents. Like all busybody parents who love to tell their children what to do with their romantic lives and who to marry, they arranged for their daughter to marry Hephaestus, the god of fire. Aphrodite did not care for this marriage arrangement or Hephaestus because she was already madly in love with the Greek god Ares, the God of War.

But according to Greek mythology, Aphrodite could not stop the arrangement and had to get married to Hephaestus. So, she and Ares kept their relationship a secret and frequently met to do the horizontal tango. They had plans to elope and live with one another in secret, but their plans never came to fruition. One day, while Hephaestus was away from his home, Ares snuck into his house, where he and Aphrodite had sex in the bedroom. Since Hephaestus and Aphrodite were married, technically, it was their marriage bed.

All was going well until Hephaestus suddenly appeared and chained both Ares and Aphrodite to the bed with an unbreakable chain. They were completely shocked that he returned to the house so fast and captured them. What they didn't know was that Helios, the god of the sun, warned Hephaestus of what was happening at his home. His warming caused Hephaestus to rush back home.

No matter how much effort Aphrodite screamed or pleaded with her husband, he did not remove the unbreakable chains from their bodies or the bed. As the god of fire, Hephaestus could have done many terrible things to these two, and he probably would have been in the right as a scorned husband. Instead, he opted for a less violent but more humiliating approach. Hephaestus told all the Greek gods to come to his home and look at the naked Ares and Aphrodite chained to his bed. Excited to mock others who were caught doing the nasty, many gods and other mythical beings came to Hephaestus's home and mocked the two naked and ashamed lovebirds.

Eos just can't stop having sex.

He may have been in love with Aphrodite, but that didn't stop Ares from taking a lover, Eos, while he was still with the goddess of love and beauty. The two gods did whatever they could to hide the relationship from Aphrodite, but she eventually found out anyway and was filled with rage and jealousy. After plotting revenge, she decided to curse Eos since she was the unwanted party in the relationship. Aphrodite cursed Eos with an uncontrollable libido, so not having sex for some time would drive Eos crazy. She was also a very beautiful goddess, so whenever a mortal man would see her, they would immediately propose marriage. One story says that four men proposed to her at once, and she accepted all of their proposals. Ares had to separate himself from Eos to not see her having sex with all the mortal men.

Conclusion

Now that we know how horny these Greek gods are and what can happen to the mythical beings or fellow humans who become romantically entangled with them, the moral of all of these stories is the same: Never get involved with a Greek god. I mean it. If the spirit of Zeus visits you in a dream or Aphrodite herself appears completely naked while you are showering, do whatever you can to wake yourself up or bolt out of the bathroom. Nothing good will come from their visit. The sex might be amazing, even otherworldly, but you could end up as livestock or frozen forever as a tree. Just stick to your rabbit vibrator or flesh light if you want a good time. No orgasm from these devices will ever affect your spiritual life.