Russian method to fight with soviet-era taboos
Even though we now live in a modern 21st century, there are still many places on Earth where talking about certain subjects is completely taboo. Don't talk about money in the US. Bragging about your accomplishments is seen as uncouth in Sweden. Don’t bring up the region of Catalan unless you want to see your Spanish friend become a nationalistic patriot in 5 seconds flat.
In Russia, you better deny that you have ever had sex, even if you're a 45-year-old married man or woman.
Russia culture has always been on the more conservative side, aligning more with the Eastern European cultures than the more sexually liberated France and Germany. But for the past ten years, an even stronger conservative mindset has been growing. This repressive mindset is strongest around family, marriage, and sex.
So the current generation of young people, as well as other adults in every age group have to find ways to express themselves sexually. But that's not always easy, as they cannot do it openly. Luckily, there are several facets of society that are encouraging Russians to be more open towards their sexuality.
Russians and the struggle to express themselves sexually in a conservative culture
As most parts of the world try to improve the living standards of LGBTQ people, people of color, women, and other marginalized groups, Russia seems to be doing the opposite. Gay people are being arrested for kissing their beloved same-sex partner in public, and women are taught to be as frigid as possible and search constantly for a man that will marry them.
Men are told that if they do not have sex with enough women, then they're not really men. When they have the opportunity to settle down, they have to earn enough money to support the entire family, regardless of whether their wife works or not. If they do not make enough money to support the family, then they are not fulfilling their duty as providers.
But Russian culture has always been more conservative than Europe. It is up to the younger generations of Russia to slowly transform the culture into one that is more open and accepting of all people and all parts of life.
However, an open and liberated Russia is not going to happen anytime soon.
Unsurprisingly, there has been a much stronger push towards conservative values in Russia. For the average gay person, the push for conservative values means they must not come out and embrace their sexuality like their LGBTQ counterparts would in the West and in the United States. All LGBTQ+ people do not exist in the eyes of the Russian government. Everyone is either straight or they are wrong.
For the people who were born cis-gendered and straight, they have to stifle their behavior and conform to conservative social rules, and one of those rules is to not talk openly about sex.
Discussing sexual topics is taboo, even among young Russias, and this attitude stems from the era when Russia was still the Soviet Union. The USSR was not known for its culture of open sexuality and that is putting it mildly.
So is there any place in Russia where talking about sex is welcome?
One method Russians use to learn about sexual topics is through the Internet. A good amount of young Russians speak English, and so they venture onto the English-speaking side of the internet to learn whatever they can about subjects that their government is censoring.
But reading about subjects from a western perspective is not particularly helpful to Russian people, as the West’s view on sex and sexual topics does not translate well back into Russian culture. Plus, anyone who cannot speak English does not have the luxury of visiting non-Russian websites.
So what part of the internet caters specifically to Russians and their interest in sex? Porn? Well, yes there's porn on the Russian side of the internet. But a growing medium that is educating Russians about sexuality is Russian sex blogs.
Sex blogs are becoming so popular in Russia is that there is no safe place in the real world to discuss several topics and sexual issues without shame or denigration. But anyone can hide their identity on the internet and ask whatever question they want an answer to without ridicule. If any Russian types “sex” and “blog: into the search bar on their browser, a dozen or more of the most popular blogs centered around sexuality will appear. On the internet, they can also find partners who have the same appetites and kinks.
For many, talking about sex on the Internet is much safer than talking about politics.
Communication between partners is a nice concept, but not one that is regularly practiced in Russia. The attitude of men give, women receive is still strong, and female sexual pleasure is not well known outside of women’s magazines and the chit-chat of girlfriends.
Many Russians, of all ages, but mostly young people, are turning to sex coaches in order to learn about sex in a healthy environment. Many of these Russian sex coaches don't strictly talk about sex and sexual acts.
Instead, they teach women how to be more open with themselves and discover what they like in bed and in a partner. These coaches also teach women how to communicate their needs to their partners. They also point out what it means for a man to be a good sexual partner.
In bigger cities, people who are brave enough to venture out and experience the fun side of sex are going to burlesque shows, which are often performed sex coaches. Sex shops that cater to different appetites are also a good way for people to experiment.
Russian Sex and Culture
Russians are just like anyone else in the world. Social norms and government regulations can be as conservative and anti-promiscuity as it wants, but Russians are going to have sex, make pornography, create sexual art, and talk about different sexual topics with their friends and family.
Because sex and sexual topics are so taboo in Russian culture, does that mean that there are no brothels and prostitutes? Of course, it doesn't. In major cities all around Russia, you will find prostitutes working street corners and sketchy bars just like anywhere else in the world.
Talking about homosexuality on the Russian side of the internet is not as welcomed. Sex blogs for the LGBTQ community are in short supply and those that do exist experience so much harassment and bullying that they do not last for long.
For many people on the Russian side of the internet, talking about sex is safer than talking about politics.
When you are engaged in a polite discussion, never bring up sex, politics, or religion. For most of us who have heard the saying, it is just a way to keep the conversation flowing without running into any situations where you and the person you're talking to blatantly disagrees. But if we feel the need to, we can throw this piece of wisdom away and talk about sex, politics, and religion.
Russians do not have this luxury. Politics in Russia is not just a topic in which two people can freely disagree. If your views do not align with mainstream thinking, it might get you thrown in jail.
Unable to talk about politics and their true views on what leaders should do, Russians are focusing more on sex when they log onto the internet. Since one part of society is closed off to criticism, unless you want to get thrown in jail or disappeared, talking about sex is a substitute of sorts.
How female sexuality is viewed in Russian Society
The role of Russian women has changed over and over again into whatever society needed them to be. During the rise of the Soviet Union, Russian women were branded as Iron Women.
The Russian Orthodox church has always had a grip on sexual morality and one of the main tenets of Russian Orthodoxy was that women were to be covered and chaste. But the church is not an institution that can keep up with the times. The 1980s was a liberating era for women and they began to express themselves as they wanted.
Conservatives in Russia viewed any small change towards women being more equal and more open with their bodies was seen as the values of the West creeping in on Russian Society.
Did Russia always have such a conservative view on sex and family?
While the Russian people aren't known throughout the rest of the world as a progressive society that embraces change wholeheartedly, that does not mean that their society was always as traditional as it is now.
Long before the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s in the United States, the Soviet Union had its own Sexual Revolution after 1915.
The movement in 1920s Russia got rid of many of the old ways of thinking about family and about women. Even though Russia is part of the Eastern Orthodox version of Christianity, the Bolsheviks decided to separate marriage from religion and turned it into a legal institution.
Divorce was then legalized and no longer required the input of a church elder. The court system even established a no-fault divorce system. One person could file for divorce; the other person did not have to agree to divorce for a divorce to happen.
Long before France, Germany, and the United Kingdom embraced LGBTQ people, Russia decriminalized homosexuality in 1917. Although not truly accepted, gay people no longer were imprisoned for sodomy or for tainted female activities.
Many states in American could learn from 1920s Russia, as the country legalized abortion and had few restrictions on the practice other than the ones that improved safety.
In 1926, there was even a bill proposal to take all of the legal stipulations that were for marriage and apply them to couples who were not married but living together. This was an absolutely radical bill for the time and even for the modern era.
So what happened to the Equality Movement in Russia?
Since all of these new legal and cultural changes happened in seven years, it completely changed the lifestyles of the Russian people. Unfortunately, many of the new rules and laws were not well-thought-out and the people suffered for it.
The most prominent effect of Russia's free love movement was the ease in which the court allowed people to divorce their spouses and run away from their responsibilities and their children. The change was so shocking that a massive conservative uprising rebounded and removed many of the laws that created the freedom love movement of the 1920s.
By the middle of the 1930s, homosexuality was illegal, having sex outside of marriage was seen as taboo and vile, and the divorce rate was finally back down to a lower level, but not as low as it has been in 1915.
But the emergence of conservative backlash when a new free love movement comes around is not unique to Russia. Europe and the United States also developed a conservative movement in the 1960s and 1970s as a reaction to free love, gender equality, and equal rights. In the United States, the conservative movement has grown stronger than ever.
So what does this mean for the Russian people and their ability to express themselves and their sexuality?
As long as the internet is not removed or shut down by the government, Russians will be able to get online and learn about sexuality from the numerous sex bloggers and sex-positive websites. Governments and conservative social movements try as hard as they can to repress sexuality and force the population at large to adhere to their standards. But human beings are going to have sex and express their sexuality in different ways.
Russia was not always as conservative as conservatives try to make it seem, and it will not always be like that. Some experts believe that the current conservative push toward traditional values is a whiplash response to the rise of gender equality and LGBTQ normalization of West Europe and the United States. But a reactionary movement will only last so long before it burns out. That being said, the conservative ways of Russia are not appealing to the youth of the country. So who knows what Russia will be like within 10 years time?